I don’t like unfit

Yikes, this weekend I went for a “jog” up Rapaki… Heck it hurt! Turned into, “it’s such a lovely day, why not enjoy it at a walk”. Now that is not particularly concerning, I just want to enjoy myself at the moment, only got a week or two till I turn the serious back on. It’s a mental rest, not to have to push and endure that little bit more.

But heck feeling unfit, feels crappy… And it’s not wanting to feel like that which will keep me going, how did I get by with only a few hours a week training, for short tri’s? How can you ever stop training for long endurance, when this feeling of unfit happens? It’s worth the hours of training, early mornings, unsociable hours not to feel that.

Where did the positive go?

There has been a issue that has been nagging my my since Roth, almost 4 weeks ago now… I had a great day out there… except for being 50min slower than I wanted, but shit happens so I don’t really care… but there is one thing about the day that doesn’t sit well with me.

Now I generally think of myself as a optimistic person. But the more I roll Roth race day around in my head, the more I realise how absolutly negative my thoughts were about the run.

Let me take you to about the 160Km mark on the bike. Everything was hurting, but thankfully it was mostly a slight descent to T2. The neuroma on my left foot was screaming at me, and I was just generally tired and looking forward to being off the bike. I was feeling extremely disapointed in my bike time, though it did look like I’d sneak under 6hrs, but that was 20-30min off my intended time. I knew this meant the goal time wasn’t possible, but if I had pulled my head together, could I have managed at least 12hrs?

At this 160K mark all my thoughts were projected at the run, and a overwhelming thought I can’t run a marathon now. I had zip… zero… nudda confidence in my run ability (And while it was somewhat justified, I know I can complete these things, so why soooo negative?).

I came off the bike in, probably, a better condition than I had been in Taupo, while tired, I was still feeling pretty strong. But my mind wasn’t focused on the postive, all it could think about was I can’t do this marathon, totally and utterly negative. But I did self talk myself into it, I told myself to keep going and do 1 K at a time. The trouble with that, is you are counting the K’s and 42 is a lot count.

Its taken me a while to realise this is what I did. It isn’t obvious to you while you are in it, that you are being negative. You just think you are being realistic. And while the self talk helped me through, as soon as a stumbling block got introduced (“my knee hurts”) all that negative thought just piles on you, and the self talk turns into “see, I knew I couldn’t do this”.

So why so negative? Well that is easy, and had/have zero confidence in my running ability and the led up didn’t really do much to improve that confidence. I had a really bad half marathon 4 weeks out. Caused by a upset stomach, but the first 7K’s was really good, but the outcome sort of sits in the back of your sub-conscious swishing around.

But I was also too heavy, weight wise, and I knew that going in, knew the run was ging to hurt and I didn’t really do anything in preparation to deal with it. I just skirted the edges… and even though telling my live with it, and have another muffin… those muffins sat on my mind (as well as the hips) and contributed to the negative mind set.

So now at least I have identified and admitted, openly, that this is my problem. To be conquered and not to occur again.